OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
