it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was born a porn star she said
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
