Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
