make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize