That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
