When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
