i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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