If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
