Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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