I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize