I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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