Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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