At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
