I think I just saw someone hide a body.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need water and some morals
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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