it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
