i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't deserve a penis
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
