fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize