actually, I'm a sock model
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
