I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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