Umm I'm too high to move.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
