Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
