I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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