the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
