I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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