Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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