It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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