Will you blow on my dice?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
