Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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