I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
