i just google imaged poop.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
how drunk are you?
Several
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize