I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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