dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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