I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
high people should be assigned attendants
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
