Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
