so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
