Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
