I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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