come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
