Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
