My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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