omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
