i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
