They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
