cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
