There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
