It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
