i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
