dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
