I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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