I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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