i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Your cock deserves a montage
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
