Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
