I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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