I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
