bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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