I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just google imaged poop.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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