i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
