Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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