Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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