apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
