I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We just shotgunned beers for America
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize