My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
