I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize