all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
