We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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