you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
high people should be assigned attendants
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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