There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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