I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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