Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
