Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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