I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
