Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
