I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
