Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
